Your Orgasm, Your Responsibility
Do you know what truly brings you pleasure? Not just what feels good—but what sends shivers down your spine, leaves you breathless, and makes you crave more? Pleasure isn’t something that just happens; it’s something you cultivate. And yes, orgasms are part of the fun, but pleasure goes beyond the peak—it’s about connection, intimacy, and fully owning your desires.
Sexologist Dr. Emily Nagoski reminds us that pleasure isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. What works for one person may not work for another, which is why knowing your body is key. When you take control of your pleasure, you empower yourself to communicate your needs, shift outdated narratives, and embrace pleasure as your birthright. The best part? The more you own it, the better it gets.
The Myth of Passive Pleasure
Let’s clear up a big misconception—pleasure isn’t a passive experience. It’s not your partner’s job to “give” you an orgasm, just like it’s not up to fate whether you enjoy sex. As sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly emphasizes, great sex requires participation. Your pleasure is yours to explore, nurture, and prioritize.
Orgasms aren’t the only marker of a satisfying sex life, but they do matter—because they’re yours to claim. Too often, people (especially women) minimize their own pleasure, but let’s be clear: your orgasm is just as important as your partner’s. Take an active role in your pleasure by discovering what turns you on, what makes you feel good, and what helps you build that slow, delicious anticipation.
How to Reclaim Pleasure on Your Terms
Rewriting the pleasure narrative starts with self-advocacy, open communication, and sexual empowerment. And that means getting comfortable with yourself first. Dr. Betty Dodson, a pioneer in women’s sexual liberation, championed solo sex as a foundational practice. Exploring your body—whether in the mirror, in bed, or through educational resources—gives you the confidence to own your desires without shame.
Once you know what feels good, talking about it becomes easier. Communication with your partner doesn’t have to be awkward—it can be flirty, playful, and sexy. Try verbal cues like “I love when you do this” or “Let’s try something new…” Nonverbal cues work too—guide their hands, shift your body, or simply let your sounds tell the story. The key is clarity—because pleasure thrives when you’re honest about what you want.
The Role of Consent and Boundaries
Empowerment isn’t just about knowing what you like—it’s also about setting boundaries and practicing enthusiastic consent. Consent isn’t a one-time checkbox; it’s an ongoing, enthusiastic “hell yes” to what’s happening in the moment. As sex educator Dr. Nadine Thornhill emphasizes, consent should be clear, informed, and freely given—no pressure, no coercion. And just as you have the right to say yes, you always have the right to say no.
Phrases like “Are you okay if I…?”, “Can I…?”, or “I only feel comfortable with…” help maintain an open, respectful dynamic where pleasure and safety go hand in hand. When you feel safe, you can fully immerse yourself in pleasure—on your terms.
Own It, Enjoy It, Repeat
Pleasure is your birthright. It’s not a favor someone grants you; it’s an experience you actively create. Whether you’re exploring solo or with a partner, make pleasure a priority, advocate for your desires, and give yourself permission to fully embrace the orgasmic joy that is yours to claim. Because when it comes to pleasure, you deserve nothing less than everything.
So go ahead—own it, enjoy it, and do it again.