8 Tips for Parenting Teenagers
Your firstborn just turned thirteen, such a crucial age, and one of the first initial turning points in their life. You’re so excited to say you have a teenager now and giving yourself several pats on the back to congratulate yourself for taking care of this little being up until now. The sweat, tears, frustrations, smiles, laughter, and joy probably stir up so many complex emotions about parenting and how far you’ve come. Sit with that. That is huge. You’re amazing.
You carry that happy feeling everywhere you go, only to have it suddenly dampened when you find yourself sharing your newfound accomplishment with a friend or colleague, and they remind you, teenagers are HARD work! Thunderstorms pour all over your parade because it’s true, teenagers can be tough. You might even recall your teenage years and find yourself tensing up. That’s okay too though. Parenting in general is tough, and there is no real right way to parent. Yet, you may be wondering still what you can do to make sure your approach to this new chapter is a positive one.
Parenting teenagers is a delicate balance of guidance, support, and... letting go. The parent-teen relationship can have a big impact on current and future behaviors, decision making, emotional well-being, as well as the connection between the two of you. The initial instinct is likely to set rules and maintain control, but teens also need space to explore and develop independence within clear boundaries.
A positive parenting approach—whether called gentle parenting, conscious parenting, or authoritative parenting—focuses on creating a supportive environment for their teens to explore their interests, take healthy risks, and engage in activities within clear boundaries while following explicitly expected rules. Communication during teen years is priority, especially as hormonal shifts and mood swings become part of the teenage experience. Below are eight tips to consider that encourage a strong connection and evolve your parent-teen relationship.
Tip 1: Identify shared interests to build on your parent-teen relationship.
The relationship you cultivate with your teen is a pivotal one. It impacts everything from their emotional health and social interactions to their self-esteem. As a parent, it's natural to want to steer what your teen is exposed to, but it’s essential to foster a sense of autonomy within a structured environment. The balance between setting boundaries and allowing room for your teen to explore is what helps them build independence and trust in the relationship.
For instance, you might have once had an after-school routine that was strictly followed. As your teen matures, offering them the space to set their own schedule—while still honoring household expectations like completing chores—builds trust. This balance nurtures your teen’s ability to manage responsibilities while honoring family dynamics.
The foundation of a strong relationship is built on mutual understanding. To start—or continue—building a deeper connection, try to identify shared interests with your teen. This lets them know you’re invested in what they care about. Whether it’s music, art, or a hobby they’re passionate about, connecting through shared activities or interests fosters a bond that encourages open dialogue.
Tip 2: Remain mindful of your tone and listen empathetically to keep communication open.
If you’re unable to find shared interests, that’s okay. This might be the time to let your teen take the lead, have them share their interests or about other things that excite them. It’s perfectly normal to let them teach you. Even the simple act of showing genuine curiosity about their passions can make them feel seen and heard.
As parents are engaging with their teens—whether that be through shared interests or general conversations—remember to be mindful of your tone of voice and remain an empathetic listener to keep communication channels open. Phrases such as “I understand why you feel that way” or “your feelings are valid” can help your teen feel heard and understood. When teens are comfortable and feel understood, communication channels expand, sharing becomes more in depth.
If your teen isn’t receptive at first, or not ready to talk directly, techniques like sharing your own experiences, communicating through different means like texting or emailing, and therapy or counseling can be helpful. If formal counseling isn’t feasible, it may be easier to find an adult your teen is comfortable with, so they are expressing their feelings to somebody. Just remember to try to keep the conversations flowing.
Tip 3: Emphasize positive parenting with clear and concise boundaries and expectations for your teen.
Clear, consistent boundaries and expectations are an integral part of any relationship and should be communicated. With your teen, expectations should be outlined in a way that reflects their growing autonomy. It’s about setting boundaries that allow your teen to exercise choice while understanding their responsibilities. Discuss house rules, curfews, or screen time expectations in a way that reflects their maturing needs. For instance, as teens grow, they may be ready for a later curfew—this is a great opportunity to discuss trust and responsibility.
When expectations aren’t met, it’s important to communicate consequences clearly. Teens are exploring new behaviors, and they need to understand the impact of their actions. If there are disruptions at school or they break a rule at home, make sure they know what the consequences are. Consistency is key, but remember that even when they push boundaries, this is an opportunity to reinforce learning, not to criticize.
Tip 4: Remain present in your teen’s life by supporting their interests and spending regular time together.
The parent-teen relationship will continue to ebb and flow, and to maintain this relationship, it’s essential to remain engaged with your teen and make sure your presence is felt in their lives. This looks like supporting and becoming interested in activities and hobbies, whether that be sports or academic related. Also, you’ll want to make sure you’re giving them space to engage in activities alone or with friends through your support.
If your teen plays a sport for example, attend their games, or try and let them educate you on the details and facts regarding their techniques for their upcoming trivia bowl at school. Plan regularly scheduled times to meet with your teen and spend time doing the things they enjoy. When your teen sees you’re engaged, you may find them more eager to involve you in other aspects of their lives. However, it can be easy to become overbearing, so remember that there should be freedom (with limits) for their exploration.
Tip 5: Encourage positive behavior through feedback, modeling, and creating purposeful consequences.
Parents often worry about their teens rebelling, but the secret is in encouraging positive behavior. In an attempt to prevent rebelliousness and encourage good behavior, parents should provide positive feedback, create meaningful consequences for actions, and consider reducing screen time. As you notice your teen making good choices, doing well in school, or keeping up with expectations and boundaries, make sure you give them praise and acknowledgement to make them want to continue this behavior.
It’s not just about setting rules; it’s also about modeling the behavior you expect to see. When teens see their parents acting with integrity and making good choices, it helps them develop a sense of responsibility and character.
Tip 6: Identify coping skills for teens to engage in to manage mood swings and their emotions.
During the teenage years, teens are going through hormonal changes, continuous brain development, and many other internal and external factors that can lead to mood swings or potential rapid changes in behavior. Work preemptively to encourage or teach coping mechanisms like exercise, deep breathing, and creative outlets.
Suppose you do notice that your teen has the occasional mood swing. In that case, keep calm, as this is normal. When your teen struggles, be there to listen, and give them the space to express their feelings. If needed, seek professional support to ensure their mental health needs are met.
Also, stay on the lookout for signs of stress that could be contributing to emotional shifts, such as lack of sleep or poor nutrition. It’s important to continually monitor these types of physical aspects and help them manage them as a way to contribute to a positive emotional well-being.
Tip 7: Guide your teen when needed but let them also explore (and inadvertently fail) on their own.
As teens approach adulthood, they will naturally seek more independence. Start by allowing them to take risks, fail if need be, and learn from mistakes, all as a way to prepare them for adulthood. Remember to let go when they are ready, because this tip means taking a step back to provide the space needed to navigate challenges alone. As with everything, teens will grow and develop into adults who will benefit from having the experience of learning how to bounce back from tough decision making. When you begin to foster independence, don’t be afraid to ask your teen the who, what, when, where, and why’s though. Continue to stay knowledgeable about your teen’s friends and even who their parents are.
Tip 8: As a parent, don’t forget to take care of yourself and reach out for support when needed!
How is your well-being? As a parent, it is equally important to practice self-care. Parenting teens can be emotionally taxing, and it’s essential to manage your own mental health. This helps reduce burnout during your teenager's journey to adulthood. Exercise, meditation or other mindfulness practices, seeking support from loved ones to professionals, can all contribute to your emotional and mental health.
When parents become stressed, teens can feel it too, which could lead to tension in the house. When you prioritize your own self-care, you model for your teen the importance of taking care of oneself through life’s ups and downs. Know when to separate yourself from your teen and take a break to gather your own thoughts.
Parenting teens comes with challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your bond and help them grow into independent, confident adults. By fostering open communication, setting clear boundaries, and supporting their interests, you create a safe space for them to navigate this stage of life. Remember, parenting is a journey—not a destination. Stay patient, stay present, and don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way.
References
https://www.priorygroup.com/media-centre/positive-parenting-strategies-for-the teenage-years-by-a-leading-priory-expert
https://www.positiveparenting.com/positive-parenting-2/
https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-teens/tips-encouraging-independence/index.html https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/self-care-strategies-parents/
https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2013/08/supporting
teenagers/?srsltid=AfmBOorjx067bU
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https://www.parents.com/boundaries-for-teens-8661380