Divorce Counseling: More Than Just Moving On
Divorce doesn’t have to be an ending. In many ways, divorce can be a profound turning point—one that requires identity reconstruction, emotional processing, and learning how to maintain a respectful and balanced relationship with an ex. Healing and adjustments that can happen with the help of divorce counseling.
Many people aren’t aware that divorce counseling exists, or the variety of benefits that can come from actively engaging in it. When couples decide to separate or divorce, divorce counseling provides them with counseling services from an unbiased point of view to address the emotional, logistical, and transitional challenges of divorce such as finances, conflict resolution, and understanding emotions.
Divorce can bring a whirlwind of emotions that can prevent anyone from making decisions with a sound mind, and counseling can provide the needed guidance to navigate physically and mentally demanding times. It can be used in all stages of divorce, from beginning to even past paperwork being signed. Divorce counseling in all stages is intended to confirm that everyone’s feelings are valid while providing an open space to express emotions, concerns, and most importantly, plan for the future.
Understanding Divorce Counseling
Divorce counseling is considered psychotherapy, or a therapeutic process, that helps people to navigate the end of a marriage. Unlike premarital counseling, couple’s therapy, or relationship counseling—where partnerships are at the beginning or at a certain stage in their relationship or marriage—divorce counseling is a distinct psychotherapy that helps dissolve marriages. Divorce counseling aims to help couples navigate the divorce process respectfully by addressing emotions, providing coping skills, increasing productive conversations, and helping to people to transition. The three main types of divorce counseling include pre-divorce counseling, during-divorce counseling, and post-divorce counseling, and are recommended during all stages of divorce.
Before the Divorce
Considering counseling before the divorce is not just for the heart broken. An ongoing assumption is that divorce counseling is only for those who are struggling or suffering emotionally. Yet, as reality would have it, it’s also for those who want a smooth transition. Often, couples will engage in pre-divorce counseling, which helps them to separate with intention rather than conflict.
Pre-divorce counseling, also known as discernment counseling, provides tools to decide about the future of the marriage. This happens by allowing individuals, and couples when they come together, to mutually address if divorce or simply solving marital problems aligns with their problem’s solution. With a maximum of 1-5 sessions, pre-divorce counseling can help either side rethink their decisions, potentially cancel the divorce, and continue with marital therapy as needed.
Pre-divorce counseling additionally takes into consideration reflection by giving individuals the opportunity to engage in single sessions as well. There is a percentage of pre-divorce counseling cases that end up in reconciliation, rather than divorce. However, if it is decided to continue with the divorce, then couples can flow into during-divorce counseling.
During-Divorce Counseling
During-divorce counseling offers stress reduction, conflict resolution, and support as things begin to shift. Even when the decision to separate is mutual, divorce can be considered a grieving process and take an emotional toll. Counseling can help individuals process guilt, anger, sadness, and relief during their transition. Many factors may need to be considered such as co-parenting strategies or child custody, joint finances, and other potentially conflicting topics that may be better discussed with an unbiased professional involved.
Counseling while undergoing divorce can provide strategies for managing uncertainty and stress levels to keep parties in a more positive mindset. There can be short- and long-term physical or mental symptoms that can come during divorce, such as anxiety and depression, that a therapist can identify, and give advice when appropriate.
After The Divorce
Once the divorce is finalized, ex-partners can continue with counseling if need be. Therapy begins to shift and focus more on rebuilding and moving forward. Post-divorce counseling helps individuals adjust to new routines, cope with emotions, and reinvent their new lives.
Sometimes help is needed with processing the end of the marriage. Counseling after the divorce does that by providing people with coping skills, and room to explore lingering emotions to prevent the potential of carrying unresolved trauma or toxic patterns into future relationships.
If children are involved, post-divorce counseling continues to help with co-parenting, boundary-setting, effective communication, and strengthening of any familial relationships that the divorce may have strained. While the divorce is finalized, lingering financial or legal aspects can also continue to be addressed. The structure provided by post-divorce counseling can provide the much-needed support and a confidence boost to successfully move forward!
What Makes Divorce Counseling Unique
Neuroscience has shown that people going through divorce can have the same brain pathways triggered that trigger physical pain. The brain registers heartbreak as a real wound. Counseling can help with emotional regulation strategies that rewire negative thought patterns and promote healing.
Divorce has also been labeled as one of the more stressful life events. It causes grief, and divorce grief can be complicated. Untangling conflicting emotions with the help of therapy can help with processing unresolved pain.
Divorce counseling truly works to provide a neutral and stress-free space to work through both the emotional and logistical aspects of divorce. No one gets married to become divorced, but life after divorce can be complex, and takes time to get used to. This can be a safe space to work through grief, anger, confusion, or to build up self-esteem and healthy coping strategies.
Emotions can run high when divorce is happening, communication can break down, and learning how to co-exist with an ex can seem impossible to manage alone. Counseling can serve to validate the feelings of all parties and ensures everyone is heard and understood clearly.
Approaches like Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) can help improve communication, reduce conflict, and foster self-awareness through techniques like mirroring or empathy. With the help and through the lens of an Imago trained therapist, individuals can focus on making their process less about destruction and more about growth.
In traditional therapy, the journey is often unlimited. Divorce counseling is often goal-oriented. When the tools and resilience are built, and your future is mapped out, you may no longer need it. Empowerment is the focus, rather than dependency. No matter where you are in the journey, the right support can turn divorce from a painful rupture into an opportunity for renewal and reclamation.