7 Marriage Counseling Tips to Strengthen Your Relationship
Undergoing marriage counseling can be a transformative experience that helps couples navigate challenges, deepen their intimacy, rekindle connection, and so forth. Therapy can prove valuable, acting as a springboard, allowing couples to take advantage of therapy to encourage a stronger and more fulfilling relationship. Marriage lands high on life’s significant relationship scale, and making it thrive takes hard work! Sometimes, getting started with therapy can take time, but don't let that be an excuse for allowing your partnership to falter. Here are seven powerful tips—each with actionable examples and even a creative date idea—that you might hear from a marriage counselor to help you bring more joy into your partnership.
1. Prioritize Honest and Open Communication
Being authentic is key to any thriving relationship. Make commitments to your partner to be transparent about feelings, even when they prove challenging or uncomfortable. Marriages often face challenges due to ineffective communication or a lack of vulnerability. Please don't attempt to save face, no matter how natural it may feel. Be open, honest, and straightforward. Listen to listen, and not to respond. Validate your partner's feelings and be open to their needs and preferences when they are vulnerable with you. When we show up authentically about our needs, fears, and desires, it creates a safe and empathetic environment suitable for growth and understanding.
Instead of responding, "I'm fine," when something upsets you, try, "I'm feeling overwhelmed because I didn't feel heard during our last conversation." Trust and connection can foster a unique level of honesty.
Practice Tip: Try a "truth or dare" date night at home. Write down fun, lighthearted dares like singing a silly song and meaningful truth questions like, “What’s one thing I can do to make you feel more loved?” to practice vulnerability and laughter.
2. Rekindle Emotional and Physical Intimacy
Many couples have difficulty with sex and intimacy, and it is often a sensitive area in relationships. Yet, sex and intimacy can prove valuable to long-term satisfaction. Explore with one another how you both view intimacy, address breaks, accelerators, and sexual histories with one another. Reduce shame for each other by talking things through. This is another area in which to be vulnerable and authentic. Understanding your partner's unique sexual blueprint and what contributes to their arousal can enhance the energy between you both.
For example, you may find that one partner needs more tending to their fire before engaging in intimacy. More emotional connection can be built through meaningful compliments, sexy glances or messages throughout the day, affectionate touch, or non-sexual physical closeness.
Practice Tip: Take a sensual dance class together, like salsa or bachata. Moving together in sync can increase emotional and physical connection in a fun, low-pressure way.
3. Schedule Time for Regular Check-ins
Life can really run its course and get busy on us. When life is happening, losing touch with your partner's inner world is easy. Set aside weekly check-ins, such as Sunday nights, to check with each other about how you feel about the relationship, weekly plans, or activities. Use this time to explore unmet needs or desires, plan date nights, and a plethora of other things. Check-ins don't have to take up much time, either. Sit down and ask, “What’s one thing that went well this week in our relationship? What’s one thing we could improve?” Focus on solutions rather than blame or criticism. Focus on connecting rather than distancing.
Practice Tip: Dedicate a night to a “relationship reset.” Go out for coffee or wine and use the time to review your check-in questions or statements. Make it a tradition to reflect and reconnect.
4. Be Curious About Each Other’s Desires
When it comes to sex and our partners, sometimes we just miss the mark. We make assumptions due to comfortability or routine. Over time, this can lead to a disconnect. But desires evolve; therefore, our conversations about them should, too. One partner may feel hesitant to explore or share a sexual desire due to fear of judgment, rejection, or embarrassment. Stay open-minded. Reassure the other that curiosity is about connection, not pressure. Ask questions to help them feel listened to, unique, and appreciated. Start small by sharing one new thing you’d like to try or add to your shared intimacy.
Practice Tip: Have a "yes, no, maybe" night. Create a list of sexual and non-sexual activities, then categorize them together based on what you would do, might like to try, and whats a hard no. It's fun to open up about desires while respecting each other’s comfort zones and increasing emotional and physical connection.
5. Focus on Small Acts of Appreciation
Gratitude can often fall by the wayside in long-term relationships. When couples regularly take the time to acknowledge their partner’s efforts, big or small, it can reignite positivity and strengthen bonds. It pays off to be thoughtful and do and say unexpected things for each other. Show affection through words, gifts, or small acts of service. Take it further than saying "thank you" for more significant gestures by noticing the small ones, too. Maybe your partner always makes you a cup of coffee in the morning, so you can turn around and do the same as a way of saying thanks, too. Small acts of kindness bring couples closer together. These small acts of appreciation don't have to be grand gestures or expensive gifts. They can be spontaneous, like surprising your partner with a favorite candy bar or planning an impromptu picnic
Practice Tip: Create an “appreciation scavenger hunt.” Hide notes around your home expressing what you love about your partner. Make it playful by adding small treats or rewards along the way.
6. Be Willing to Negotiate
No relationship thrives without a bit of negotiation. Recognize that both partners bring different needs and perspectives to the table, and work toward solutions that honor both. This often requires skill building or a need to change in a slightly different way. Change and compromise can prove intimidating due to a fear of the unknown. Compromising doesn’t mean attacking your own authenticity or submitting to a partner's demands but rather negotiating to discover a middle ground that honors both of you. Say one partner wants to spend weekends relaxing. At the same time, the other craves adventure. Alternate activities or find a middle ground, like a leisurely hike followed by a chill afternoon at home.
Practice Tip: Plan a "compromise date." Each partner picks an activity the other doesn't usually enjoy but is willing to try. Doing so shows mutual effort and care.
7. Cultivate Playfulness
Bring joy into your marriage because laughter and fun are potent tools for connection. Sometimes, this can be the glue to holding relationships together during more challenging times. When you each are comfortable with life happening, routine and responsibility can dull the joy between partners. Playfulness means more than just jokes and nights watching comedy movies. Create shared moments that remind you why you enjoy each other's company. Think about what attracted you to your partner and activities that brought you joy early in the relationship. Was it date nights in the city or playing video games together? Do you still do those things now? Think about ways to integrate playfulness into your daily lives.
Cool Date Idea: Have a “yes day” where you agree to say yes to each other’s date ideas (within reason). Whether it’s going to an arcade or trying a new cuisine, it’ll add excitement to your relationship.
There are many things that you could incorporate into your life on a daily basis to expand your marriage. These seven are a good starting point, especially if you see some of these tips lacking in your relationship. Think about the foundation of your partnership. Is that foundation sturdy enough to take you to the end of time? Grow with one another through communication, transparency, intimacy, joy, and more. Small, intentional actions can lead to profound transformations in your relationship, whether it's sharing vulnerable truths, embracing curiosity, or simply enjoying each other's company. The sanctity of marriage asks you to take leaps together—so jump!