Talking About Sex With Your Therapist
Talking about sex with your therapist can feel daunting, even if you’re generally comfortable discussing personal matters. If you’re anything like me, conversations about sex and intimacy can be relaxed, lighthearted, and even humorous. But if you’re not a trained therapist specializing in sex and relationships, or you didn’t grow up in an environment where these topics were openly discussed, approaching the subject in therapy might feel intimidating. No matter how comfortable you are with the idea of intimacy, the conversation can feel different when it turns to ways these topics are affecting—or being hindered in—your life. That said, sex is an important part of life and relationships, and addressing it in therapy can lead to deeper self-awareness, improved relationships, and greater emotional well-being.
Why Talk About Sex in Therapy?
Your sexual health is an essential part of mental and emotional well-being. Whether you’re experiencing concerns related to intimacy, desire, trauma, identity, or communication with a partner, therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore these topics without fear of judgment.
Discussing sex in therapy can also be deeply empowering! Doing so allows you to become more familiar with your own desires, boundaries, and needs, leading to greater confidence in your relationships and personal well-being. Through therapy, you may find that you have a better understanding of what you want, which can help you advocate for yourself and build deeper connections with partners.
Additionally, therapy offers an opportunity to work through feelings of shame that may be attached to sex. Many people have internalized messages that create guilt or discomfort around sexuality. Confronting these feelings in a supportive setting will let you develop a healthier, more positive relationship with your sexuality.
Overcoming Discomfort
Here are some strategies to help you bring up sex in therapy without fear:
Get a gauge for your therapist's willingness to talk about sex: Therapists are people too, and while we are trained to discuss whatever the client wants to talk about without judgement, there may be times where a therapist feels overwhelmed or unqualified to discuss such topics. If you're worried about it, just ask. As an added layer of reassurance, you can usually check your therapist's bio to see if they list sex or sexuality as areas of specialization, too.
Acknowledge the discomfort: Let your therapist know that you want to talk about sex, but are feeling awkward or anxious. While it is possible that your therapist also feels awkward on the inside, they are trained to discuss sensitive topics without judgment, and should also offer you validation and support as you broach the topic.
Start generally: If diving into specifics feels too overwhelming, begin by expressing that you want to talk about sex but feel unsure how to start. Your therapist may ask you some questions to help guide the topic naturally, or bring up some good points you may not have even considered!
Use writing if needed: Some people find it easier to write down their thoughts and share them with their therapist during the session. Try writing or typing it all out beforehand so you know exactly what your goal is in bringing up topics around sex.
Remember the goal: To be abundantly clear, this is not a green light for you to describe your fantasies in vivid detail to your therapist with no goal in mind. Talking about sex isn’t just about the act itself—it’s about your emotions, relationships, boundaries, and personal experiences.
A good therapist will approach conversations about sex with openness, respect, and professionalism. They should create a nonjudgmental environment, ask clarifying questions to better understand your concerns, normalize the conversation and validate your experiences, and provide education and tools to support your needs. If you aren't receiving the support you feel you may need, it is okay to seek a new therapist who might be more comfortable discussing topics around sex.
Sex and Intimacy Concerns You Might Bring Up In Therapy
Desire and arousal concerns
Maybe you've noticed a shift in desire due to recent stress, or you've struggled with low libido for as long as you can remember. Whatever the case, concerns about desire and arousal are common and completely valid topics to discuss with your therapist if you're feeling uncertain. In many cases, your therapist may recommend seeing a physician to rule out any underlying health factors, making it a helpful first step.
Intimacy issues in relationships
Struggles with intimacy in a relationship can show up in many ways, from emotional distance to physical disconnection. If you’re feeling unfulfilled in your relationships or find it challenging to maintain closeness, therapy can help you explore the root causes and develop communication and actionable strategies to foster deeper, more meaningful sexual connections with your partner.
Sexual identity and orientation exploration
Exploring sexual identity can be both liberating and overwhelming, especially if you were raised in an environment where true self-expression and exploration weren’t options. Therapy provides a space to process your feelings, navigate any confusion or internalized beliefs, and embrace your identity in a way that feels authentic to you. Together, you and your therapist can explore and identify the labels that best fit how you see yourself—or forgo labels altogether and find other ways to validate your experience.
Past trauma and its impact on sexuality
Sexual trauma can have lasting effects on how you experience intimacy, trust, and pleasure. Therapy can be a powerful tool in working through these challenges, helping you reclaim your sense of agency and empowerment, rebuild a positive relationship with your body, and heal from past experiences at your own pace.
Communication with partners about needs and boundaries
Healthy relationships require open communication, but talking about sexual needs and boundaries can feel intimidating. A therapist can support you in developing the language and confidence to express your desires, set clear boundaries, and navigate difficult conversations with your partner in a way that fosters mutual understanding and respect.
Final Thoughts
Even after reading this blog post, you might still feel hesitant about baring your soul and diving into a conversation about sex with your therapist. I get it—sex is often seen as taboo and can feel awkward to discuss. But it’s also a deeply important part of life for many people. Bringing it up in therapy could be a pivotal step toward healing, self-discovery, and growth. By opening up about your experiences, desires, and concerns, you can begin to break down barriers of shame, gain clarity about your needs, and cultivate healthier relationships. Your therapist is there to support you, offering a safe and nonjudgmental space to navigate these conversations—awkward moments and all. Through this process, you can build confidence, deepen emotional connections, and develop a more fulfilling relationship with both yourself and others.