Sex and Intimacy During Pregnancy
By Sherraine Miller, MA, ATR-P
“Is it safe?” – is likely a question beating the inside of your brain right now leading you down a google searching rabbit hole. Yet, maybe the more important question is, “how do you feel?”
Change is the recurring word that you’ll likely hear when discussing pregnancy. Not just for the person carrying the baby, but also for the partner. Pregnancy is a time of significant change that can impact intimacy and sexuality in various ways. Every pregnancy is unique, and there’s not a one size fits all experience. For some, desire fades during pregnancy while other women may feel more intrinsically connected to their body and sexuality, leading to more arousal during pregnancy. What you can expect is for your sexual desires to come and go as your body continues to change.
The truth is, sex during pregnancy is natural and far from unusual – as long as your healthcare provider has not indicated you have a high-risk pregnancy. There are strong muscles and amniotic fluid in the uterus that protect babies during intercourse. In a healthy or uncomplicated pregnancy, sexual activity or experiencing orgasm will not harm the baby, increase chances of miscarriage, or induce early labor. However, if you ever have comments, questions, or concerns about your sexual activity while pregnant you should address them with your doctor or midwife, and follow their professional advice.
First Trimester Sex: Navigating New Beginnings
During the first trimester, many moms experience a range of physical changes that tend to impact their interest in sex. Things such as morning sickness, fatigue, and breast tenderness are common symptoms happening in the first trimester that can cause a disconnection to the body. These changes can make it harder to get in the mood for intimacy. The heightened sensitivity to your breast may decrease your sex drive and make touch less comfortable. It is important to remember that you and your body are going through a lot of adjustments, and your drive will come back.
Hormonally, shifts in the first trimester can lead to fluctuating emotions. Some women may feel a heightened sense of emotional sensitivity or anxiety about the baby’s health and the changes to come. Additional life transitions and everyday life activities can make stress and similar emotions feel heightened as well. These fluctuations can sometimes dampen the desire for sex. On the flip side, this serves as a period of adjustment allowing for partners to find comfort and connection in their relationship. How? Openly communicating about how you are feeling during this time can improve overall relationship dynamics due to increased understanding and being on similar pages about sexual expression.
Exploring intimacy during the first trimester, and throughout your pregnancy, is about tuning in to what feels comfortable for you. Some women may prefer gentle, nurturing touch rather than pure penetrative sex. Other women may enjoy experimenting with different positions that accommodate early pregnancy symptoms such as spooning or similar side-lying positions that offer comfort, while also providing closeness with no abdominal pressure. If you aren’t experiencing many first trimester symptoms and are having a pretty uncomplicated pregnancy, the ways in which you and your partner typically engage in sex are likely to be okay too.
Second Trimester Sex: The Honeymoon Phase
You may have heard that the second trimester is often referred to as the “honeymoon phase” of pregnancy. Some women experience a boost in their libido due to the increase blood flow and hormone levels. In fact, the increased blood flowing throughout the body can enhance orgasms. In addition, there is an increased sensitivity to erogenous zones, which can lead to more pleasurable sexual experiences too. At this stage of pregnancy, your morning sickness and other first trimester symptoms are likely to be subsiding, offering more energy and willingness to explore desire and intimacy.
The honeymoon phase also offers more ways to deepen emotional connection with your partner. Bonding over the anticipation of the baby can increase the intimacy and feelings of connectedness in your relationship, ultimately increasing desire. For some women a growing baby bump can lead to increase body positivity, which also helps to enhance sexual satisfaction.
With a newfound increase in energy and desire, the second trimester is an ideal time to experiment with different forms of intimacy. Take time to discuss and explore what feels good for you and your partner. Second trimester encompasses the fourth month of pregnancy, which means your healthcare provider may likely suggest avoiding lying flat on your back in the missionary position, to help prevent the weight of your growing baby constricting major blood vessels. Think about implementing more sex positions that promote a growing belly. Continuing to do side-lying and other spooning positions, and incorporate being on top, which can be more comfortable and enjoyable. Other positions to consider are doggy style, reverse cowgirl, and the pregnant partner lying on the edge of the bed on their side, while their partner stands or kneels.
Third Trimester Sex: Navigating the Final Stretch
The third trimester of pregnancy does tend to bring more physical discomfort for some women. A growing belly accompanied by back aches, swollen extremities, and overall general fatigue can make sex more challenging. Navigating sex with a bigger belly may feel awkward, and you may experience a loss in libido due to the body preparing for childbirth.
Moms may be entering the “nesting” phase of pregnancy. Emotionally, there is likely to be an increased focus on the upcoming birth. New emotions like anxiety about labor can take over affecting sexual desires. During the third trimester, some pregnant women may feel more vulnerable about their bodies as it continues to undergo significant changes, potentially impacting their overall self-esteem and comfort with sex.
During the final stretch, it is important to emphasize adapting intimacy. Continue engaging in positions that feel comfortable for you and avoid putting pressure on the belly. Communicate with your partner what you are feeling and what works. This is also the perfect time to explore forms of intimacy that don’t require penetrative sex such as sensual massages, kissing, and cuddling. Exploration in these areas can help to keep connection and desire intact, as well as prep the relationship for navigating intimacy post birth.
Oral and Anal Sex During Pregnancy
Oral sex is generally a safe sexual practice during pregnancy, with some considerations. It can serve as a pleasurable alternative, especially if vaginal penetration becomes uncomfortable. Some women may find these activities less demanding while still offering opportunities for closeness.
When receiving oral sex, it is important that your partner doesn’t blow into your vaginal opening, as this can potentially cause an air embolism, though rare. Trapped air in the vagina can travel and enter the placenta, which can cause issues with fetal development.
Anal sex during pregnancy can be conflicting, but there are ways to practice it safely. Anal sex can include penis insertion as well as penetration with sex toys or fingers or stimulating the anus with mouth or tongue. Utilizing plenty of lubrication and ensuring comfort is key for this activity, as the tissues in this area are more sensitive, especially during pregnancy. Avoid moving directly from anal to vaginal sex to reduce infection risks.
Anal sex can irritate fissures, as well hemorrhoids, which are common in the anus and rectum during pregnancy due to it’s lining being thin and more susceptible to damage. Irritating these areas can make them worse and leave them prone to tears or bleeding. Ruptured fissures are not usually dangerous to the fetus, but they can be extremely uncomfortable to mom. While there is a risk of contracting STDs during oral and penetrative vaginal sex, anal sex does increase this risk.
Partner Experiences During Pregnancy
The partners of pregnant women also go through their own sexual journey during pregnancy. There can be an increase of attraction to their pregnant partner due to body changes like growing breast size. More often than not, partners take on a supportive role, which affects emotional and sexual needs. Additionally, working to understand the emotional and physical changes happening for mom can cause a range of feelings, including concern, empathy, and a fluctuating libido. A common concern held by partners is the fear of hurting the baby during sex. Though, that is a misconception. In most pregnancies, sex is safe and won’t harm the baby. However, this fear still can ruminate in the minds of partners, impacting their comfort with intimacy. Maintaining open dialogue about comfort levels, desires, and needs is the most ideal way to promote healthy sexual relationships during pregnancy.
Conclusion
Sex during pregnancy offers benefits such as better orgasms, burning calories, relationship bonding, increased happiness, and even an immune system boost.
Remember to always seek consultation from your doctor about the safety of sex during your pregnancy. Keep in mind that if your doctor does say no to sex, that may also include orgasm and sexual arousal, not just intercourse, so having a clear understanding of what “no” means can keep you safe. If you’re not sure about your partner’s sexual history, make sure to use condoms. Pregnancy is not a barrier of protection against STIs, and those infections can affect your baby.
Sex and intimacy during pregnancy is a personal journey that continues to evolve week by week. Staying open and empathetic with your partner is important. Remaining gentle with yourself as your emotions change and your belly grows is even more so. Having desire that ebbs and flows is natural, and figuring out the best way to navigate that safely and comfortably should take priority.
