Neurodivergence and Disability Acceptance: The Importance of Spoon Theory
For many people living with chronic pain, physical disability, mental health challenges, or neurodivergence, the daily navigation of life often revolves around managing limited energy resources. Whether it’s dealing with a physical ailment, coping with emotional or mental health struggles, or navigating the world as an autistic person, the experience of living with invisible struggles can feel exhausting and overwhelming. Do you often feel tired, overwhelmed, or at capacity? Do you feel like it is hard to explain to yourself or others why your energy is depleted? You might resonate with Spoon Theory. Read on to learn more!
Origins of Spoon Theory
In 2003, Christine Miserandino introduced Spoon Theory. To explain what it was like to have Lupus, Miserandino took a handful of spoons from a restaurant table and used them as a visual aid. She explained that each spoon represented a unit of energy, and each task — from getting dressed to running errands — would cost a certain number of spoons. This metaphor has since become a powerful way for many to explain and understand the complexities of energy management, particularly when living with chronic conditions. It offers a way to talk about something that is often invisible to others: the reality of limited energy reserves, and the need to plan and conserve one’s capacity each day. In this blog post, we’ll explore how this framework works and the many ways it can be a valuable tool.
Source: Megan Anna Neff, Neurodivergent Insights
This metaphor is particularly relevant for individuals living with chronic pain or physical disabilities, who often have a set amount of energy that can be depleted by both physical exertion and the mental toll of managing their condition. For example, a person with chronic pain might find that just getting out of bed and moving around costs several spoons, leaving them with fewer spoons for other tasks. Similarly, someone with neurodivergent traits (such as autism or ADHD) may expend spoons on activities that require sensory regulation, maintaining focus, or managing social expectations — tasks that others might not even realize are draining.
For someone managing mental health challenges like anxiety or depression, the concept of spoons also applies. On days when energy is low due to emotional distress, even simple tasks like showering or eating can feel overwhelming. The Spoon Theory provides a way to quantify these struggles, validate them, and make them easier to communicate.
Am I a Spoonie?
Identifying as a spoonie can create a sense of solidarity, helping individuals connect with others who understand their experience and providing a space where shared coping strategies and empathy flourish. You might resonate with the spoonie label if you relate to the following:
Chronic Illness, Disability, and/or Neurodivergence: You live with a condition or neurotype that impacts your daily life.
Energy Management: You need to carefully manage your energy throughout the day, balancing rest and activity to avoid burnout or exhaustion.
Invisible Struggles: Many of your challenges are not immediately visible to others, and you often need to explain why certain tasks are more difficult for you.
Pacing and Prioritization: You frequently prioritize tasks and may need to let go of certain activities to conserve your energy for essential ones.
Seeking Connection: You find comfort in connecting with others who share similar experiences, whether in online communities or in-person spaces.
Rejecting Capitalist Norms: Because of your lived experience, you demonstrate resistance to dominant norms and embrace the importance of rest, self-care, and listening to your body's needs, recognizing that each body is different and has different needs.
Spoon Theory and Advocacy
Spoon Theory is also an invaluable communication tool, especially for explaining the realities of living with chronic pain, physical disabilities, mental health conditions, or neurodivergence to others. People who don't experience these challenges might not understand why a person is unable to attend a social event or why they need to rest after what seems like a simple task.
By using Spoon Theory, individuals can communicate their limitations more clearly. For example, someone with autism might explain that going to a crowded store or attending a noisy family gathering depletes several spoons due to sensory overload. A person with chronic pain may use the analogy to explain that even though they look fine on the outside, their body is constantly using spoons to manage pain and mobility issues, leaving little energy for other activities.
This shared language helps others empathize with the difficulties faced by those living with invisible conditions, while also promoting self-advocacy. It fosters understanding, reduces stigma, and encourages others to support their loved ones without judgment.
Spoon Theory and the Window of Tolerance
Spoon Theory aligns with another theory of energy and capacity – the Window of Tolerance. Both theories illuminate the individual variability in energy, capacity, and functioning, offering complementary lenses for understanding personal limitations. The Window of Tolerance, a framework from trauma and stress regulation, describes the optimal range of arousal where a person can function effectively. Outside this window — whether due to hyperarousal (overwhelm) or hypoarousal (shutdown) — energy is depleted as the nervous system struggles to regulate itself. Together, these frameworks highlight that every person has a unique relationship to energy, influenced by factors like health, stress, or trauma history. While one person may navigate their day with a wider window or more "spoons," another might find their capacity significantly limited, underscoring the importance of compassion and self-awareness in managing energy sustainably.
Applying Spoon Theory in Everyday Life
The beauty of the spoon metaphor lies in its ability to translate abstract experiences into something tangible and actionable. Here are some examples of how you can incorporate the principles of Spoon Theory into your life:
Estimate Energy for Daily Activities: At the beginning of each day (or the night before), consider how many spoons you have available. If you're dealing with chronic pain, you might recognize that just getting out of bed and getting dressed might use up a spoon or two.
Understand Pacing: Once you have a sense of your available spoons, you can prioritize your tasks based on what is most important. For someone with a physical disability, this might mean focusing on critical tasks like meal preparation or managing medication and leaving less essential chores for another day. Pacing is crucial — completing high-energy tasks too quickly can lead to burnout and exhaustion. Spacing out demanding activities and incorporating rest breaks can help conserve spoons throughout the day.
Track Energy Use: Some people find it helpful to keep a journal or log where they track their spoons and the activities they complete. This can give you a clearer picture of how certain tasks affect your energy levels and help you plan better for future days.
Communicating Needs and Current State: Sharing with friends and family when you are “out of spoons” can be very useful, because it is a straightforward way to express that you may be tired, overwhelmed, or at capacity that helps to avoid confusion or misinterpretation.
Think of Strategies to Replenish Your Energy: You may realize that extra rest, a quiet walk, a chat with a friend, a cozy meal, or something else help restore your energy and your spoons. Be creative about what works best for you!
Self Compassion: One of the most important practices of Spoon Theory is the permission to rest. It’s essential to recognize that there are days when your spoons will run out, or days when you’re extra low on spoons, and that’s okay. Giving yourself grace and understanding can prevent feelings of guilt and help reduce stress, allowing for a healthier balance of activity and rest.
Conclusion
Spoon Theory is an invaluable tool for understanding and managing the daily challenges of living with chronic pain, physical disabilities, mental health conditions, or neurodivergent traits. It promotes self-reflection and greater awareness of one’s energy needs. This can reduce stress and promote healthier habits by encouraging individuals to pace themselves, listen to their bodies, and avoid overextending themselves. It helps individuals prioritize their energy, communicate their needs, and find balance in a world that often asks for more than they can give.
If you identify with the experiences of being a “spoonie,” remember that you are not alone. Spoon Theory provides a means to connect with others, raise awareness, and advocate for your needs. By embracing this framework, you can develop a healthier relationship with your energy, and foster greater empathy and understanding with those around you. Your spoons are precious, and it’s okay to protect them.