How long is Premarital Counseling?
Congratulations on your engagement to your partner! Making this commitment is a BIG milestone and is something that should be celebrated and enjoyed. As people start to congratulate and ask you ALL the questions, there might be some moments of not knowing what both you and your partner are wanting for the future. That is totally normal and a part of the process of starting this new chapter! What can be a stressful time, can also be a time for exploration and curiosity, which is where premarital counseling can be a perfect fit.
Premarital Counseling is a type of couples therapy where you can understand your relationship in a variety of areas. Whether or not you are working through partner habits, affection & intimacy, family dynamics, roles in the household, children, finances, etc. It can be a place where we are learning from each other and understanding how each person’s strengths can be integrated into that partnership. Once applied, premarital counseling can strengthen a relationship where both partners can feel heard and satisfied in the long-term.
What’s the process like?
Now that you have heard all the positives of starting premarital counseling, how long does this process look like? The short answer is that it depends. Therapists will roughly say that premarital counseling can take anywhere from 8-10 weeks to 3-6 months depending on what organically shows up in session and what you want to focus on. With this time range in mind, here are some factors that might influence how long your premarital counseling will be:
Focus on “Trust” – If you are noticing that there has been a lack of honesty within your relationship or a break in trust and you are wanting to rebuild that pillar, creating an open line of communication is going to be key moving forward. Having 8-12 focused sessions on ensuring there is a consistent effort being made in being vulnerable with each other is going to lengthen your premarital counseling journey.
Family Dynamics can be tricky to navigate and depending on what challenges you have faced in the past and/or present, it can take some time to discuss what kind of relationships you both want with your family and how your own family can influence your future family values.
Premarital financial counseling is probably something that you and your partner are already talking about behind closed doors. As you embark on a conversation of splitting costs, debts, income and money habits, having a therapist guide you in understanding what changes and compromises can be made will allow you and your partner to feel more aligned in your values.
“Communication” is the foundation for any effective relationship. The goal in premarital counseling is to ensure that both of you have an effective toolbox that will be there for you when going through the positive and negative times in your life. Depending on what tools you have already, this could lengthen how many sessions are focused on building communication skills.
Combining two backgrounds, two families and two people’s lives includes the cultural and religious beliefs that they grew up on. As you go through pre-marital counseling, there is an opportunity for you to talk through the differences in your partnership and learn how those values have influenced you in the past and how they impact your daily life. Together with your partner, you can address those differences and see how they can be integrated into your future.
All these factors can lengthen your premarital counseling journey yet can also be seen as an opportunity for opening up on all matters before embarking on your next chapter. By being curious and honest, there is a chance for more growth and understanding with your partner. Since you know the length of premarital counseling, what do the sessions consist of and what can you expect it to look like?
Needs Assessment
Like any therapy session, premarital counseling sessions will consist of 55 minutes and occur on a weekly basis. Depending on the modality the therapist works from, there will be different kinds of assessments used to get an initial understanding of what your relationship dynamic is. Identifying what your growth areas are, what your individual goals are for the relationship and the strengths that you perceive of the relationship will be explored in the first few sessions together. Individual sessions could be utilized to also gather information to ensure both of your voices are being heard in the space.
Step 2 is exploring what your own needs are in a marriage and sharing that with your partner. By leaning into those feelings, you are allowing for that emotional connection to grow and give permission to topics you might not have addressed before. Talking through potential opportunities that you might venture on together allows for what challenges you might face and how you could navigate it in a healthy and understanding way.
Thoughts and emotions are a huge part of any therapy session yet changing unhelpful behaviors and building skills will create a great foundation for communication within your partnership. Creating a safe space in the therapy room to learn, practice and apply communication techniques and conflict resolution skills will help build trust in your premarital counseling process.
Creating Agreements and Systems
The final key components of premarital counseling are creating agreements and building systems in how you navigate life together. As you explore what your needs are, your individual goals and how you are as partners, it is important to talk through what your shared goals and boundaries are. Once those are established, what you and your partner are agreeing to when it comes to responsibilities and holding each other accountable is important to talk through. Building the system of how you are managing conflict, family dynamics and stress with each other and what tools work for your partnership will be the final steps before celebrating your commitment to each other.
Premarital Counseling is all about preventative measures and being an active participant in building a strong foundation for a healthy and positive marriage. Gathering evidence-based skills, communicating what you are wanting and establishing your shared goals are just some of the ways that this type of counseling can be beneficial. It is a choice that you and your partner are making to set yourselves up for long-term success in a healthy and happy marriage.
Getting Started
To find premarital services, there is an abundance of resources out there to help you get started. If you would like to be seen in-person or virtually, pre-marital counseling is offered by couples’ therapists and individual therapists alike. When trying to find the best fit, shop around and look at bios for therapists with your partner to make sure you find the right fit for both of you!