Understanding Anxiety as a Messenger
Photo by kevin turcios on Unsplash
Did you know that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States? The past year prevalence rates for anxiety disorders are higher for women (23.4%) than men (14.3%). (1, footnote.) If you were drawn to this post due to your own anxiety, I hope you pause with the weight of this statistic and understand that you are not alone. My hope for you is that after reading this post you come to find a different way to relate to your symptoms and experience of anxiety.
Do I have your attention now? (says anxiety)
You’ll notice that anxiety has many creative ways of trying to get your attention. Perhaps you experience physical sensations in your body such as tightness in your chest, headaches, or shaking. Perhaps you struggle with intrusive or obsessive thoughts about a relationship, orderliness, or perfection. Or you may find yourself worrying often about how others perceive you, about sociopolitical issues and the state of our world, or about the health of loved ones. Anxiety has many attention-grabbing tactics and one of the most productive things you can do is to choose how you respond.
Can you make this anxiety thing stop?
In response to these unsettling anxiety experiences, many of the women I work with come to me hoping to “make it stop” or “fix it.” A very understandable request, however, there’s perhaps a deeper message here we should attend to first…
This mindset of “quick fixes” can be reflective of a deeper illness that we tend to be socialized into. We live in a world where doing (things like working hard, accruing achievements, crossing things off of the “to do” list) is valued over being (things like pausing to take in your surroundings, meditating, reading a novel). Oftentimes product and productivity are valued over compassionate care and healing, and we feel rushed to remove suffering (make it stop!) and continue giving ourselves away to others and the world at large.
I invite a radical mindset shift here: can we pause, center ourselves, and turn a patient ear to the message our anxiety could be sending us?
The Finger Trap Toy Metaphor
Dr. Steven Hayes, the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), explores this process in terms of framework called experiential avoidance (2, footnote). Experiential avoidance involves unwillingness to remain in contact with painful private experiences (a bit of generic psychobabble to describe anxiety experiences like the ones listed above).
In other words, after noticing yourself feeling anxious you try to stop the anxiety. You try your best to not feel anxious. You might try controlling the anxiety through numbing behaviors (like binge watching TV, drinking a lot of alcohol) or suppression (trying to think about something else, talking through your pain).
Think of it this way. Remember that finger trap toy you used to play with as a child? Two fingers from each hand go into either side of the toy, and alas, you are stuck! You yank and tug to free them but it only makes the matter worse - the toy tightens, you panic in pain. After pausing for a moment, you realize the solution is counterintuitive: you must push your fingers in to gently free them. The same process applies to anxiety and painful emotions. Oftentimes, fighting against our anxiety creates a vicious cycle that only deepens suffering over time. We must instead gently lean into the pain in order to free ourselves.
Your body and mind has incredible wisdom - of course it tries to protect you from pain and suffering. This survival mechanism is one worth honoring. My hope is to empower you to notice when this mechanism no longer serves you and help you explore other options.
Anxiety from a feminist perspective
We might also take a look at anxiety symptoms from a feminist perspective. Feminist psychologist and trauma specialist Dr. Laura Brown encourages us to view symptoms as communication within a sociopolitical context (3, footnote). We begin by examining the relational experience of a symptom. Let’s take racing thoughts as an example. A few questions you might consider from a feminist perspective and explore further with trauma therapy:
How do you experience the symptom?
What purpose does it have for you in relationship to yourself and others?
Does it happen to give you a strategy for coping with powerlessness?
Have oppressive structures informed the development of this symptom?
What do women learn about their voice, outward declaration of distress, worth, and safety that might inform the expression of this symptom?
It’s possible that we may uncover that racing thoughts communicate fear toward powerful people who have harmed you. Thus, self-reliance turned inward as racing thoughts evokes more safety than relying on a world wrought with oppression and harm ever could. In this way, symptoms of distress no longer become evidence of individual pathology, but are located externally in the systems we encounter. In other words, we are calling by name the role that sociocultural structures play in our anxiety and critiquing the notion that we live in a rational, safe world.
A new choice emerges: with compassion and curiosity, instead of relying on the dominant cultural task of “stop being anxious,” we shift toward a new type of goal. Perhaps, learning what your body and heart requires in order to express fear in ways that meet your individual, emotional, and relational needs. Acquiring this new self-knowledge undermines silence and provides you with a new voice, a new path forward.
The wisdom of anxiety
If we take time to pause, center, and listen to our anxiety with compassion, the message within the anxious symptom begins to become clear. Each individual will have a unique message to uncover.
In unfolding that message, you may discover that your anxiety represents a healthy resistance to a harmful world. Jungian psychology views this resistance as necessary and essential, to be carefully tended to and examined in a therapeutic relationship - not to be made the enemy. Engaging in anxiety therapy can be a transformative step in understanding and addressing these feelings. In her book “The Wisdom of Anxiety,” Sheryl Paul expands upon Jungian concepts to frame anxiety as a gift from the unconscious that is inviting us to grow and heal (4, footnote). Her book and website blog posts provide helpful and thought-provoking guidance on this radical paradigm shift.
https://conscious-transitions.com/anxiety-collections/
What deeper message is your anxiety communicating to you? I hope you find the courage to pause, center, and hear its profound wisdom.
1, footnote: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder.shtml
2, footnote: Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The new Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
3, footnote: Brown, L.S. (1994). Subversive dialogues: Theory in feminist therapy. New York: Basic Books.
4, footnote: Paul, S. (2019). The wisdom of anxiety: How worry & intrusive thoughts are gifts to help you heal. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.
