Understanding Attachment to Your Therapist

By Jaleesa Pirtle, LCPC

Becoming attached to your therapist is a common and natural part of the therapeutic process. It can happen for various reasons, such as feeling understood, validated, and supported by your therapist. The therapist provides a safe and non-judgmental space for the client to express their thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities. Additionally, your therapist often plays a significant role in helping you navigate through your personal challenges while offering guidance. This can create a sense of dependency and attachment towards your therapist. Furthermore, the therapeutic relationship may also trigger transference, which is when a client unconsciously projects their past experiences and emotions onto their therapist. This can lead to intense emotions and a strong attachment to the therapist.

The impact of a healthy attachment in therapy can be beneficial for your progress and healing. However, that is a slippery slope and both therapist and client must be willing to address attachment within the therapeutic relationship.  If the attachment becomes overly dependent or boundaries are compromised, it is essential for your therapist to address and manage it appropriately. 

You may be wondering if you've ever become attached or crossed an attachment boundary. To help further understand attachment we must first begin with recognizing attachment styles. Attachment styles are shaped by behaviors within a relationship. According to the research, the lens through which you receive and perceive these behaviors are typically learned early in life between caregiver and infant. Verbal and nonverbal communication of caregivers as well as behaviors lay the foundation of how we learn to exchange emotional data with one another.  Your style of attachment can manifest in therapy simply through your patterns of relating and interacting with your therapist. The primary attachment styles are Secure and Insecure. Insecure attachment styles include anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.

The 4 main attachment styles and how they may show up in the therapeutic relationship: 

1. Clients with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable, safe, and trusting in their relationship with the therapist. They are able to express their emotions openly and rely on the therapist for support.

2. Clients with an anxious attachment style may display clingy behavior or seek constant reassurance from the therapist. They may have difficulty trusting the therapist and may fear abandonment. These clients may also struggle with setting boundaries.

3. Clients with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty opening up or being vulnerable in therapy. They may minimize their emotions or avoid discussing personal topics. These clients may also struggle with seeking support or depending on the therapist.

4. Clients with a disorganized attachment style may exhibit conflicting behaviors in therapy. They may switch between seeking closeness with the therapist and then pushing them away. These clients may have experienced traumatic or inconsistent relationships in the past. 

Again, recognizing your attachment style can help your therapist or psychologist provide appropriate support and establish healthy therapeutic boundaries. Knowing your attachment style can help your therapist explore and reshape attachment patterns to foster healing and growth.

Several reasons why a client might become attached to their therapist: 

1. Emotional support: Therapists provide a safe and non-judgmental space for clients to express their emotions and concerns. This emotional support can create a strong bond between the client and therapist.

2. Trust and rapport: Building a trusting relationship with a therapist takes time and effort. When a client feels understood, validated, and respected by their therapist, it can foster a deep sense of trust and rapport.

3. Dependency: Clients who have struggled with attachment or abandonment issues in the past may be more prone to forming strong attachments to their therapists. Therapy can provide a consistent and reliable presence in their lives, which can fulfill unmet needs for nurturance and support.

4. Transference: Transference occurs when a client places feelings and expectations onto their therapist that are based on past experiences or relationships. These feelings can range from positive (e.g., seeing the therapist as a supportive figure) to negative (e.g., feeling anger or frustration towards the therapist). Transference can contribute to a sense of attachment.

5. Therapist qualities: Some clients may become attached to specific qualities or characteristics of their therapist. For example, a client may admire their therapist's wisdom, empathy, or understanding, which can lead to a stronger attachment.

Your therapist should be aware of these dynamics and maintain clear boundaries to ensure the therapeutic relationship remains professional and beneficial for you. It's important to note that you want to choose a therapist that aligns with your therapeutic needs. Again, in finding someone you are comfortable with these types of attachments can arise( i.e Therapist Qualities form the above list) . Your therapist will have their own attachment style and history that they should be actively aware of and prepared to address if the attachment becomes unhealthy. The beauty of therapy is this; everything that comes up, even attachment between therapist and client, is fodder for emotional growth and well being when managed and addressed appropriately.

Unhealthy attachments between therapist and client can occur when the lines of the therapeutic relationship become blurred. This can happen when the client overly depends on the therapist for emotional support, or when the therapist starts to have personal feelings towards the client outside of the therapeutic context.

Here are a few examples of warning signs of unhealthy attachment in therapy: 

1. Excessive dependence: If a client becomes overly dependent on the therapist for emotional support and guidance, to the point where they cannot make decisions or take actions without the therapist's approval or input, it could be a sign of an unhealthy attachment.

2. Boundary violations: When a therapist notices that their client consistently crosses or tests boundaries, such as trying to establish a personal relationship outside of therapy or showing inappropriate or excessive affection towards the therapist, it may indicate an unhealthy attachment.

3. Jealousy or possessiveness: If a client becomes excessively jealous or possessive of the therapist's attention, time, or resources, it can be a warning sign of an unhealthy attachment.

4. Emotional volatility: Clients who display extreme emotional reactions, such as intense anger, sadness, or euphoria, in response to perceived changes in the therapeutic relationship or the therapist's availability, may be showing signs of an unhealthy attachment.

5. Resistance to termination: When a client shows strong resistance or distress at the mention or possibility of ending the therapeutic relationship, it could suggest an unhealthy attachment.

It's important to note that navigating attachment in therapy can vary for each individual. If you find yourself struggling with these emotions, consider discussing it further with your therapist for personalized guidance and support. Not everyone will experience the unhealthiest forms of attachment, however, to whatever degree you may find yourself experiencing attachment to your therapist there are ways to work through it within the therapeutic relationship.

Here are some tips on how to navigate attachment in therapy:

1. Recognize and accept your feelings: Acknowledge that it is normal to develop feelings of attachment towards your therapist. It's important not to judge yourself or feel ashamed about these emotions.

2. Discuss your attachment with your therapist: Openly communicate your feelings to your therapist. They are trained to understand and address these dynamics in therapy. Sharing your attachment can help both of you work through it together.

3. Explore the underlying reasons: Reflect on why you may be feeling attached to your therapist. Is it because they provide a safe and supportive environment? Understanding the root causes of your attachment can help you gain insights into your own emotional needs.

4. Maintain boundaries: While it's natural to have feelings for your therapist, it's essential to maintain appropriate boundaries within the therapeutic relationship. Remember that therapy is a professional setting, and the focus should be on your growth and well-being.

5. Seek support outside of therapy: It may be helpful to discuss your attachment with a trusted friend or family member who can provide additional support and perspective. Connecting with others can help balance your feelings and provide different perspectives.

6. Focus on your own growth: Remember that the therapeutic relationship is meant to facilitate your personal growth and healing. Use the attachment as an opportunity to explore deeper aspects of yourself and work towards your therapeutic goals.

7. Trust the process: Trust that the therapeutic process will guide you towards greater self-awareness and healing. Your attachment to your therapist can be a catalyst for personal transformation and positive change.

You and your therapist both must work together to ensure your emotional safety in the therapeutic relationship. I hope this post has left you with a sense of empowerment and ability to navigate the therapeutic space. There are a few key takeaways I would like to reiterate.

Your therapist can address client attachment by maintaining clear boundaries and consistently reaffirming the therapeutic relationship. Discuss the attachment dynamics openly, explore the underlying reasons for the attachment, and allow your therapist to help you understand and navigate your emotions. Your therapist may also encourage you to develop healthy coping mechanisms and supportive relationships outside of therapy. Additionally, Referral or termination may be the best outcome. Your therapist may address any anxieties or fears you may have about ending therapy or losing the therapeutic relationship. Ultimately, the goal is to help you develop a secure and independent sense of self while still benefiting from the therapeutic process. 

If this post has encouraged you to embark on your therapy journey or empowered you to seek realignment with a new professional we are here to offer the support you need. At Balanced Awakening we are client-centered and continuously practice mindfulness of the impact of the therapeutic relationship. There is someone on our team ready to support you! You can schedule an appointment at any time.

Take good care, 

Jaleesa Pirtle LCPC

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