Screen Time & Self Regulation: Checking on Your Inner iPad Kid
As a therapist in 2025, I’m having daily conversations about doom scrolling, phone addiction, and screen time in general. The pandemic pushed the virtual capabilities of our society to an unprecedented extent. Our political climate motivates many of us to stay informed and aware of current events. It’s become routine for most of us to absorb blue-light before sunlight, water, or even coffee each morning. People of all ages are finding it more and more challenging to step away from their smart devices, even when noticing cues that it’s time to log off.
Advanced technology colliding with mammalian nervous systems.
While our tech evolves quickly, our bodies take generations to make incremental changes. We’ve normalized this constant connection to technology and, by extension, a vast social network. But our nervous systems have not had any compatible software updates. Our senses scan our environments for danger. Our brains quickly make plans for gaining safety and send “fight/flight/freeze” messages to our organs and extremities. These messages might be a racing heart, tensed muscles, an uneasy stomach, and so on. But when the threat is a glowing device that we actively choose to spend our time and money on, it confuses the human nervous system about best ways to respond. All these messages firing through the body with no clear purpose leads to a “stuck” feeling for many of us.
So, what can we do about it?
Like any habit change, it’s important to understand what motivates the habit. When we know more about the setting, thoughts, and emotions that precede moments of excessive phone use, we can start to identify plans that alleviate the root causes.
1: Build Awareness
Start by making a mental note each time you catch yourself in a mindless scrolling state. Remaining in a place of curiosity (not self-judgement), just notice the experience. This can sound something like “ah, here I am again,” or “oh, I’ve been scrolling for a while, haven’t I?”
2: Observe the Moment
Notice what else you can about this moment. Here are some questions to guide your reflection:
Where are you? What happened just before this? Who else is there?
What thoughts came to mind?
What did you say out loud?
What emotion is present? How do you know you are feeling this way? What are the sensations?
Through this practice, you may begin to notice some patterns. Perhaps you find that these moments are usually after a long day of work, associated with social anxiety, or first thing in the morning. Maybe you notice that when a certain familiar thought pattern pops up, you seek your phone for a comforting distraction.
3: Make a Plan
Now that you’ve gained some valuable information about your underlying motivators, you can put it to use. Compile a list of enriching activities you can engage in at the times where phone use eats up your energy instead. This list may come from activities you’ve done in the past, have been curious to try, or make it on your schedule less frequently than you hope. Maybe spending your mornings hydrating and exercising, or your after-work hours getting quality time with your loved ones. Maybe journaling your anxious thoughts with pen and paper. Perhaps you’d like to take a different approach to uncomfortable social interactions.
Consider what can increase your likelihood of engaging in your preferred activities. Get curious about activities that take your full attention, and reflect on what keeps you engaged. Implementing those qualities you notice into other activities might help them to be more engaging for you.
Ideas for implementing - and sticking with - the plan!
Physical distance from your phone
Consider setting up a defined charging spot that is far from your bed, dining table, or other relevant location. Without the visual reminder of your phone, you might find yourself focusing longer on the activities at hand. Not having instant access to your phone in those early morning moments may increase your ability to choose a gentler start to your day.
State your goals out loud
Telling your loved ones about your goal and plan to reduce phone use can provide support, accountability, and perhaps inspiration! Maybe a loved one has this goal in common, and would like to join you in some aspects of your plan. They may also share their own ideas that work for them. It may just help to know that the people around you are aware of your efforts in this area. At a minimum, it will likely help to hear your own voice repeating your intentions.
Get organized
Collect the supplies you need for your activities and set them up in a location that feels inviting. You might also set up the environment itself by dimming lights, playing music, and incorporating a favorite scent. These subtle adjustments can help cue the brain into the space and activity, enriching your experience of the present moment.
For phone use that revolves around triggering thought patterns or social situations, you might collect some pocket tools. Identify a pocket-sized notebook and pen for an on-the-go journal to jot down distressing thoughts. This can help you get the distance you need from these thoughts, without turning to scrolling for distraction. You might select a fidget toy or comfort object (like a favorite stone) for something to do with your hands when stepping outside your social comfort zone.
Be gentle with yourself
There’s no easy, obvious way to be successful in sustained reduction in phone use. The first plan you make may not be as effective as you hope. You may need to repeat the above steps a few times before you find something that works well. It’s important to be as kind to yourself as possible throughout the process. Our minds and bodies learn through repetition and positive coaching. Giving up on a first draft plan, or beating yourself up over missteps will likely make it harder to learn and change in the long term.
Conclusion
Keep in mind that reducing excessive phone use is a challenging endeavor for people of every generation, class, ability level, and lifestyle. You are far from being alone! Your life is precious and your time is sacred. You can and will regain autonomy over how you spend your free time by understanding your triggers, and creating your unique path to success.