Reclaiming Intuition After Years of Self-Doubt
Growing up, I felt completely at home in my intuition. I trusted my gut without question–confident in my ability to read other people, sense right from wrong, and move through the world knowing that I could handle whatever came my way. Then, entering into my late teens and early twenties, I went through a series of events that began to compromise that trust. Without going into too much detail (a therapist has to keep some stories close to the chest), I was forced to face a disarming truth: my intuition hadn’t been enough to keep me safe. Moving forward, it became harder to trust the signals my intuition was sending. I started tuning out the quiet voice in my head, brushing past the sudden knots in my stomach, and overall, second-guessing the instincts that had once been so easy to trust.
Reclaiming my intuition was a journey of self-compassion that, for me, came alongside gaining confidence in my work as a therapist. Through helping my clients build and rely upon self-trust and intuition, I had to learn to forgive and accept that my intuition was not at fault for the things that happened to me. In reality, it never would’ve been enough regardless to protect me from what was to come. The hard truth is that intuition isn’t always foolproof: we have to take into consideration that the world around us may put us in scenarios we couldn’t have possibly seen coming. Intuition is based on experience, and in the same way our defense mechanisms respond to familiar patterns, our intuition only knows to look out for what it has seen before.
Trauma Makes Intuition Fragile
One of the most painful side effects of trauma is how it impacts our relationship with ourselves—especially with our self-trust. When something or someone violates our safety, and we didn’t see it coming, it can feel like a personal failure. We might ask ourselves “Why didn’t I know?” or “Why didn’t I stop it?”.
As hard as it is to convince ourselves, it’s truly not because we were naïve or broken. We simply didn’t have the information to protect ourselves yet. Intuition doesn’t predict the unpredictable—it responds to patterns. When something completely new and harmful happens for the first time, our intuition often doesn’t know how to keep up. Of course, there are instances where past experiences, or knowledge, lead us to know what’s coming next. But not always.
For example, those who grew up in environments where their feelings were dismissed, minimized, or punished, nervous systems may have adapted. As children, we’re wired to seek connection with our caregivers above all else—even at the cost of ourselves. If our caregivers respond negatively to our tears, anger, or even joy, we learn that expressing our own emotions gets us into trouble. We then disconnect from our emotions entirely, not only to protect ourselves, but also to keep those around us comfortable.
These adaptations eventually lead to chronic self-invalidation, and we begin to doubt our own realities. If we’re not crying, the situation must not be sad, regardless of the facts. Chronic invalidation creates cognitive dissonance between what your body knows to be true, and what your mind is allowed to believe. Herein lies the impact to our intuition: attachment trauma tells us that it’s safer to doubt ourselves than to risk rejection from someone we care about. We begin to doubt the voices in our heads, and ignore the knots in our stomachs, in favor of keeping the peace.
The Work of Reclaiming Intuition
Learning to reclaim your intuition means slowly rebuilding trust with yourself—especially the parts of you that have been told, again and again, that they’re wrong or invalid.
To begin this process, we need to learn how to listen to our bodies. You have to start recognizing that your nervous system—one of the main faculties of intuition—is constantly trying to communicate with you. It speaks through muscle tension, fatigue, tightness in your throat or chest, and even the impulse to isolate or withdraw. These are all key pieces of information that your body wants you to notice, listen to, and learn from.
You may have heard the phrase “the body keeps the score” in therapy or on social media. But what does that really mean? In many ways, the body holds onto what the mind often can’t. As a somatic therapist, I deeply believe that the emotions we shove down or avoid processing end up being stored in our bodies—and when that happens, the physical discomfort can feel even worse than the emotions themselves.
That’s why the path to reclaiming your intuition isn’t just about thinking differently—it’s about feeling differently. It’s about learning to interpret the subtle cues your body offers and slowly proving to yourself that those cues are worth listening to. Over time, this awareness and attention becomes the foundation for a renewed sense of inner trust—trust that comes from physiological evidence and understanding.
Learning to Say No
As a woman, a therapist, and a people-pleaser in recovery, learning to say no was one of the most difficult, and most transformative, steps in reclaiming my intuition. It might sound simple, but for many of us, the word “no” carries a weight that’s far heavier than its two letters suggest.
Unfortunately, I know I’m not alone in this. I've heard the stories, both in the therapy room and among friends. Most women I know have had moments where saying no felt more dangerous than going along. We’ve handed out our phone numbers to men we had no interest in—just to keep the peace. We’ve gone to social events when our bodies were begging for rest. We’ve said yes with tight chests and clenched teeth, then punished ourselves silently for not standing our ground.
For me, learning to say no wasn’t even the hardest part. It was learning to say no without a two-minute explanation, a follow-up apology, or an offer to make it up later that wore me down the most. Unlearning the shame that followed “no”, the belief that I had let someone down or made someone upset, took more energy than I care to admit. Saying no directly and with kindness, and then sitting with the discomfort it brings, is a skill, which gets stronger with practice.
Learning to say no and reclaiming your intuition go hand in hand. Each time you honor your boundaries, you’re essentially telling yourself that you trust your inner knowing. The more you practice that, the easier it becomes to act in alignment with what your intuition is telling you.
Time to Rebuild
If you want to reclaim your intuition, don’t sit around waiting for it to turn back up someday out of the blue. The act of rebuilding it occurs choice by choice. Paying attention when your body sends a signal, speaking up when something feels off, and saying no without apologizing are all ways to feel more confident in your abilities to act on your instincts. Remind yourself that you don’t need to feel 100% certain to act in your own best interests. The work is in showing up anyway—listening, responding, and proving to yourself that your instincts are worth following. Intuition isn’t passive; it’s a muscle, and it gets stronger every time you use it.