How Are You? A Guide to Building Emotional Awareness
Every day we get asked, “How are you?” — but how often do we answer it with honesty, even to ourselves? Why is it so hard to be in touch with our feelings? In a world that often values productivity over introspection, checking in emotionally can feel challenging, although it’s essential for personal growth and meaningful relationships. Developing emotional awareness requires us to slow down, tune into our feelings, and build deeper connections with both ourselves and others. This blog post explores how to build practices around identifying our emotions and the benefits of being vulnerable with yourself and others.
Navigating a Culture of Numbing and Distraction
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the habit of numbing and distracting ourselves. Whether it’s endless scrolling, binge-watching, or staying busy for the sake of it, we often turn to these habits to avoid uncomfortable emotions or stress. While these distractions can offer temporary relief, they also make it harder to stay connected with what really matters — including our emotional well-being. Learning to slow down and be present isn’t always easy, especially when the world encourages constant productivity and entertainment.
Barriers to Emotional Awareness
Barriers to building emotional awareness are real, considering the stressors of poverty, structural oppression, and the lasting effects of trauma. Living under chronic financial strain or in systems that marginalize certain identities can leave people in survival mode, where tuning into emotions takes a backseat to meeting basic needs. Trauma, too, can disrupt our ability to feel safe in our own bodies, causing us to disconnect from emotions as a protective mechanism. These challenges make emotional awareness not just difficult, but sometimes painful or even dangerous to access. It’s important to recognize that emotional numbness in these contexts isn’t a personal failing — it’s often a survival response to overwhelming stress. Building emotional awareness under these conditions requires patience, safety, and support, such as trauma-informed care, community connection, and access to mental health resources.
Vulnerability: The Key to Connection
Being emotionally aware isn't just about knowing how you feel — it's also about being vulnerable enough to share those feelings with others. Vulnerability is the bridge to authentic connection, but it can feel very scary or foreign. When you express your true emotions, whether it’s joy, fear, or sadness, you give others permission to do the same. This doesn’t mean you have to be open with everyone — start small with trusted people in your life and notice how sharing your emotions strengthens your bonds.
Equally important is practicing vulnerability with yourself. This means accepting your emotions without judgment, even when they’re uncomfortable. Rather than dismissing feelings like anger or sadness, try to sit with them and ask what they might be trying to tell you. Treating yourself with compassion when you're feeling vulnerable creates space for healing and growth.
How Can I Build Emotional Awareness?
Below is a framework for cultivating emotional awareness, with each step being expanded upon in the following sections:
Credit: Gemma Correll
Acknowledge and Name Your Feelings: Why Words Matter
A crucial first step in building emotional depth is expanding your vocabulary around feelings. Too often, we rely on vague responses like “I’m fine” or “I’m stressed” without truly identifying the emotions underneath. Are you feeling anxious, frustrated, or overwhelmed? Or perhaps you’re experiencing joy, relief, or a sense of accomplishment? Being able to name your emotions gives you power—it provides clarity and helps you understand what you’re going through. Using tools like a feelings wheel or emotion word lists can expand your ability to recognize and articulate your feelings.
Credit: feelingswheel.com
Listening to Your Feelings: They Just Want to be Heard
When we slow down and tune in, we give ourselves the chance to notice what’s bubbling beneath the surface—whether it’s stress, sadness, joy, or something in between. Emotional awareness isn’t about judging or “fixing” our feelings; it’s about recognizing them without shame and learning what they’re trying to tell us. You might be surprised by how much wisdom our emotions carry. It takes practice, and it is definitely easier said than done, especially in a world that pushes us toward quick fixes and constant noise.
Feel Your Feelings: Combatting The Intellectualization Trap
It's super easy to get caught up in overthinking our feelings. Many of us often lean on logic and analysis, trying to make sense of everything instead of actually feeling what’s going on inside us. Unfortunately, avoiding raw emotions can be limiting. To truly connect with ourselves, we need to embrace our feelings and let ourselves experience them fully. We can learn to build the capacity to sit with discomfort and pain. By letting go of the urge to over-analyze everything, we can boost our emotional intelligence, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
“Anxiety asks why? Mindfulness asks what?”
Oftentimes, we just need the right space or amount of time to be able to get in touch with our emotions. What might you need to feel comfortable, safe, and open to experience your emotions? You may find that this is easiest when you're alone, with a friend, in nature, or a combination depending on what you’re going through. Embrace the trial and error process of discovering your vulnerability.
Accept Your Feelings: The Only Way Out is Through
When you allow yourself to fully experience your emotions, you begin to understand them rather than suppress them. This acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like what you’re feeling; it simply means you acknowledge these emotions as valid parts of your experience. By sitting with your feelings and letting them unfold, you create space for growth and insight. Avoiding or resisting emotions often leads to greater turmoil, whereas embracing them allows you to process and ultimately release them. Remember, feelings are temporary; they come and go like waves. By moving through them, you not only pave the way for healing but also cultivate resilience and a deeper understanding of yourself.
"Clean pain is the pain that mends and can build your capacity for growth…Dirty pain is the pain of avoidance, blame, and denial. When people respond from their most wounded parts, become cruel or violent, or physically or emotionally run away, they experience dirty pain. They also create more of it for themselves and others." – Resmaa Menakem
Building Emotional Check-in Practices
It takes time and energy to cultivate your own unique relationship to emotional awareness. Below are some ideas to help you bring more mindfulness to your feelings:
Mindfulness
Leaves on a Stream / Clouds in the Sky: A skill from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), visualizations can help individuals observe their thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. Imagine a gentle stream flowing in front of you. Visualize leaves floating on the surface of the water. As thoughts or feelings arise, picture them as leaves. This might include worries, memories, or emotions. Imagine gently placing each thought or feeling on a leaf and watching it float down the stream. This helps you create distance from those thoughts and observe them without judgment. Focus on the leaves as they move downstream, recognizing that just as they come and go, so do your thoughts and feelings. Remind yourself that you are not defined by them; they are transient experiences.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness as you navigate your emotions. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling and that you don’t need to rush the process.
Mood Tracking: You can use an App like How We Feel or pen and paper to track your mood throughout the day or week.
Allow Time: Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. Sometimes, just sitting with your feelings for a while can lead to deeper insights and understanding.
Somatic/Body Practices
Body Scan: Starting at your toes, gradually move your attention up through your body. Notice any sensations, such as tension, warmth, or relaxation, without judgment. As you scan, if you notice areas of tension or discomfort, take a moment to breathe into those areas. Imagine releasing that tension with each exhale.
Release: Cry, scream, laugh – whatever you need to feel some sense of emotional release.
Breathwork: Use breathing techniques to help you connect with your emotions. Deep, intentional breathing can calm your mind and create space for feelings to surface. Diaphragmatic or belly breathing can be extremely regulating.
Grounding Exercises: Engage in grounding techniques, such as focusing on your senses or the environment around you. This can help you stay connected to the present moment as you explore your emotions. You may enjoy focusing on a hot beverage or running cold water over your hands, focusing on the experience of the temperature. These exercises can help you build tolerance for uncomfortable emotions.
Creative Expression
Journaling: Write about your feelings in a safe space. This can help you articulate what you’re experiencing and explore the underlying thoughts and beliefs associated with those emotions.
Engage in art, music, or dance: Creativity can provide an outlet for feelings that may be difficult to articulate in words.
Talk About it
Community Meetings: Attending community meetings or support groups offers a safe space to express your feelings alongside others facing similar challenges. Share Your Feelings with a Trusted Friend or Friend Group: opening up to a trusted friend or close group can offer emotional relief, validation, and encouragement, helping you feel understood and less alone in your experiences.
Work with a Therapist: A therapist can help you gain clarity, understand underlying issues, and equip you with coping strategies. This professional support fosters personal growth and resilience as you navigate your feelings.
Conclusion
Building emotional depth and awareness takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. Start small by identifying your feelings, incorporating regular emotional check-ins, and embracing vulnerability with yourself and others. Remember, emotions are not problems to solve — they are signals meant to guide you toward deeper understanding and connection. The more you practice, the more emotionally resilient you’ll become, equipping you to navigate life’s challenges with grace and authenticity. So the next time you ask yourself, “How am I, really?” take a moment to answer with intention, giving yourself the gift of authenticity.