The Burden of Choice: Why Freedom Can Be Terrifying
Why Having More Choices Doesn’t Always Feel Liberating
You’re standing in the grocery aisle, facing the brightly colored boxes of breakfast cereal and contemplating your options. Each box exclaims its superior qualities: the healthiest, the most fiber-packed, the most fun! And yet, the longer you look, the more confused you begin to feel. What began as a relatively simple choice has now become an overwhelming decision. What do you want? What do you care about? How do you even begin to choose?
Life sometimes feels like the grocery aisle: what career do you want, where do you want to live, who do you want to be with, what kind of person do you want to be? The options are endless, but that does not feel reassuring. The limitless possibilities feel more like being cornered, and the sensation of being burdened by your freedom becomes more oppressing.
Why Humans Struggle With Choice
While it is undoubtedly true this problem has intensified in the modern age–we are now presented with more choices and options than ever before–this dilemma is inherently human. For centuries, humans have struggled with the process of decision-making. What decisions are “right” vs “wrong”? Philosophers, religions, and mythology have all contemplated this question for ages. Additionally, as far as we know, humans are the only species that process decision-making in this way. Other animals appear to be more driven by biological imperatives: eat, sleep, reproduce. Non-human animals do have choices, but it appears that humans are uniquely charged with a level of self-awareness and meta-cognition that allow us to question our decisions, and then further reflect on the meaning of our decisions.
If you believe in free will, then you also believe that you have control over your personal decisions. There is no predetermined path that your life will follow, and that instead, you must tread the path alone. Therefore, the decisions you make are also your responsibility, and with responsibility also comes accountability. For many, the freedom to choose is not freedom at all, but rather something to fear.
How We Avoid the Responsibility of Choosing
We sidestep this dilemma in so many ways: avoiding decisions altogether, offloading decisions onto other people or external circumstances, creating excuses for our actions that alleviate our personal responsibility. We seek certainty that our decisions will not only be “right”, but will work to cultivate a life that we desire. Our anxiety and obsession over decision-making is a desperate attempt to escape the uncertainty about our decisions, and the potential responsibility (and suffering) that comes with them.
There Is No Perfect Choice
But what if the suffering is not caused by making the wrong choice, but by the belief that there is one perfect choice waiting to be discovered? Decision-making is a complex cognitive process that is mediated by our personal desires, opinions, social and cultural expectations, as well as our consideration of potential consequences. We attempt to anticipate consequences in an effort to avoid failure, disappointment, shame, and other negative physical and emotional outcomes. However, the majority of outcomes from our decisions cannot be anticipated. It is only after stepping over the proverbial threshold, and committing to choice, that we can know what awaits us on the other side. And it is only through experiencing the other side, and moving through it, that we can trust our ability to withstand the consequences.
Large life decisions such as getting married, buying a house, having children, attending school, and taking on a new job are prime examples of this paradox. We can agonize over what the “correct” decision is, but there is no way to know the outcome of either choice until the outcome has arrived. You cannot know what it could possibly be like to have a child, before actually having a child. We cannot know the burdens of owning a home, until we own a home. If you are waiting for the perfect option, you may have to wait forever. This is not to say that everyone should commit to decisions haphazardly, and therefore suffer the negative consequences. Meaningful decisions do require care and thoughtful reflection. But if you feel yourself falling into complete decision paralysis, it may also be because you are seeking a level of certainty and reassurance that does not exist.
Choosing “Good Enough”
So the next time you find yourself in the cereal aisle, contemplating Wheaties versus Special K versus Cinnamon Toast Crunch, take a moment to ask yourself: what choice is good enough? Not what option is best or right, but what is simply good enough? Over time, you might learn that you prefer the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but ultimately care more about the fiber in Special K. Adjustments can be made, but first you must have the opportunity to learn from your imperfect choices. After all, every decision has consequences, and more likely than not, you can handle them.