Creating Meaningful Habits: An Antidote to the New Year’s Resolution

By Dr. Lauren Vanhusen

How many of us on January 1st have set a New Year’s resolution along the lines of “I will meditate every day!” or “I will start an exercise routine”? At around the one month mark, many of us fall short of meeting these vague and sometimes arbitrary goals. This often sets off unhelpful self-talk such as “what’s the point” or “I can’t do anything right,” perhaps leading us to abandon our resolutions altogether. We might also fall into the oh-so-familiar trap of self-comparison when others seem to be succeeding with their goals.

Photo by Marisol Benitez on Unsplash

If this sounds familiar, I am offering an alternative to the New Year’s resolution - an approach that emphasizes connecting with the ‘why’ behind the changes you want to make and encourages thoughtful goal setting. I also believe that mindful awareness and self-compassion are necessary for when we inevitably stumble along the way. Progress, in fact, is not linear. Though I am referring to New Year’s resolutions here, this approach can be applied to any and all types of habits you’d like to change or behaviors you hope to develop throughout the year.  At this point, I invite you to consider a goal, big or small, you have for yourself and write it down or keep it in your mind as you read through the rest of this post. 

Goals connected to values

When we think about what we want to change in our lives, we often set goals based on external influences such as instagram trends, because our friends are doing it, or our doctor tells us we have to (yes - that includes therapists too!). We often wonder why we don’t succeed in these very well-intentioned goals even if they feel important to us at the time. I invite you to pause and ask yourself, “What or who influenced me to set this goal”? Goals that are linked to what is most important to us - our values - are more likely to result in lasting and more meaningful behavior change. In a nutshell, values refer to how you want to live your life. 

Here is a quick and helpful exercise from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (1, footnote) to identify your value… Imagine that at your 80th birthday party a loved one stands up to say a few words about you. What would you want that person to say about how you lived your life? For instance, they might say, “She is a compassionate friend and family member, a lover of the outdoors, and dedicated to helping others.” These statements often reflect what is most important to us and how we want to be in the world. For more in depth values exploration, you can refer to Dr. Yang’s recent blog post about values.

How does the change you’d like to make connect with your values?

I invite you to consider how the behavior you want to change or cultivate connects with what is most important to you. For example, I often work with clients with chronic pain who want to increase their physical activity and improve stamina in order to be able to participate in activities with their loved ones. Or let’s say you’ve set a goal for learning mindfulness practices - can you reflect on a deeper level how this behavior change might get you closer to living the life you want to live? Perhaps being mindful will allow you to be more present and connected with your loved ones rather than lost in worry or rumination, as one example.

If you cannot seem to identify how a goal is connected to anything that is important to you, it might be time to reconsider that goal. You might go back to the drawing board, explore your values, and then identify a goal that will bring you closer to living this value.

SMART goal setting

Once you have identified goals that are in line with a chosen value, it is time to consider HOW you will start working on these goals. Believe it or not, this is a crucial step that is often missed when setting out to achieve New Year's resolutions. We may forget to stop and consider the steps required to reach our goals and then reflect to what extent we can realistically take these steps in light of certain barriers. I am offering a goal setting technique that has been used in psychology for many years called SMART goal setting (2, footnote). The process of setting SMART goals is most beneficial for establishing new behaviors and habits or when you are struggling with motivation. Below is an example of SMART goal setting for the goal to increase physical activity.

Specific: Specify the behavior. Using the example above, one might identify a specific type of physical activity such as walking. It can be useful to be even more specific and consider when you might engage in this behavior (e.g., in the morning before work). 

Measurable: If possible, quantify your goal. Ask yourself the question, how will I know when I have achieved my goal? For instance, you might walk three times per week for 10 minutes each time. For some goals, it might be helpful to track your progress in a journal. 

Attainable: Is the goal realistic given your resources, barriers, commitments, abilities, etc.? If not, simplify the goal or brainstorm other activities until you identify a behavior that is attainable. 

Relevant: Check back in to determine if your goal is in line with your values. 

Timely: It is helpful to consider when you will start working on this goal - the sooner the better! You might decide that you will start in one week in order to give yourself time to prepare to start working on this goal.

= SMART goal: I will walk three times per week before work for 10 minutes starting next week on Monday. To meet this goal, I will set my alarm to wake up 15 minutes earlier. I will track my progress using a journal. Committing to walking three times a week aligns with my value of having movement in my life because movement makes me a stronger person both mentally and physically.

Notice the difference between the original goal, “to increase physical activity” and the new SMART goal which is significantly more specific and planful. I encourage you to check in with yourself about how confident you are, on a scale of 1(not confident) to 10 (very confident), that you will be able to achieve your goal. If you say anything less than a 7, it might be time to go back to the drawing board and modify your goal a bit.

SMART goal setting is an ever evolving process that may take some trial and error, so stay patient with yourself and seek out a trusted loved one or therapist if you need some support in this process. 

Identifying and addressing barriers to reaching your goals 

Changing habits does not start and stop with SMART goal setting. Though we may want to stay hopeful that we can reach our goals, we need to be realistic about what barriers might arise when we set out to do something new. Changing or developing new habits is one of the most difficult endeavors we can take on, so I hope that you can have some self-compassion when barriers inevitably arise. External barriers might include lack of social support from others, limited access to funds or resources, safety concerns, etc. Once we acknowledge these potential barriers, we can brainstorm ways to address these potential obstacles or we may need to modify our goals. Many of my clients have found success writing down all of the potential barriers they can imagine (even the unlikely ones) and identifying a possible and realistic solution for each. 

Obstacles to reaching our goals also show up in the form of internal experiences such as self doubt, waning motivation, or painful memories. All of these are very normal and natural when we try to change our behaviors. However, if your goal is deeply important to you, you may have incentive to address these barriers rather than give in to what your mind may be saying in a particular moment (e.g., “I didn't meditate today, I am totally failing at reaching my goal - what is the point in continuing to try?”). I invite you to capitalize on these moments as an opportunity to be mindfully aware of these thoughts from a nonjudgemental stance and recognize that you have a choice whether or not to act on this thought. Perhaps you can remind yourself how this goal or change will get you closer to the life you want to live and the person you want to be in the world.

It bears repeating that creating habits is not simple and progress is rarely linear, so be kind to yourself along the way. Most people benefit from having some level of support during this process whether that’s a therapist or trusted person in your life, so do not hesitate to leverage your support system!

Wishing you all a restful, healthy, and happy New Year!

Footnotes:

1  Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change: Chapter 8

2  Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (1990). A theory of goal setting and task performance. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, Inc.